I'm not in the best of moods I can tell you that.

Mum's going back to Uni on the 10th Septemer. She'll be working 5 days a week normal working hours (9 till 5). Stepdad's working over somewhere in Newcastle; takes him an hour and a half to get there; so he doesn't get home till 8pm-ish. Plus the baby is going to nursery.

I'm going back to College, 14 hours a week; I'll be working the least; but I've been told that this year is going to be SO FREAKING difficult; I can't slack off or properly enjoy myself. I'm afraid I'm starting to lose the friends I have in college (except G-chan) because Dean hasn't emailed me in ages and Ro hasn't rung in ages either.

To say I'm scared is telling it a little lightly. But I can't relax even in this time until I go back because mum wants loads of stuff sorting. She wants a basic late Spring cleaning (even though its freaking summer nearly autumn).

We're all going to be doing loads this year, and I'm not looking forward to hearing how tired everyone is. Because I'll feel to guilty to say how tired I am; or if I do say they'll just say things like "you only work 14 hours a week and you do a bit of housework; we on the other hand blah blah blah".
It's going to be a case where I'm left to sit in my own head again, and that leads down to nothing but depression; I should know. Oh christ I know.
But there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I can't draw anymore, everything I do turns into a pile of rubbish. And I'm not saying that because of my low opinion of everything about me and everything I do; I litterally mean nothing is turning out good. Don't even know why I stay on this fucking site. It's just full of better people with little or no worries having enough time to draw/write what they want when they want.

Don't bother telling me that everything will be fine. It won't until I've failed this course I'm starting. I know I'll fail, its all way over my head.

I'm sorry to moan on like this. It's all I seem to have done since starting this new accoun; but I can't talk to anyone else so I'd might as well tell it on a place I know nobody I know (in real life except G-chan) will see it. I'm not expecting you all to comfort me, I just want to rant.

I'm so miserable right now its starting to feel worse than when I was back in school.